Welcome! Here you'll find: poetry, rants, fashion, feminism, Steampunk, femme, body positivity, witchcraft, paganism, and much more! Your hostess is: 22, cis female, asexual, spunky femme chick.
My straight guy friend sent me a message earlier about a selfie I posted. He said I looked amazing, as per usual. Then he added, “No hetero.” I appreciate him and his humor. I’ve talked to him about how I don’t trust many straight guys cuz they tell me how unfortunate it is that I’m gay and that they’d still sleep with me or they think I’m hot or whatever. His jokes set me at ease because he reminds me he’s aware of my fears and respects my boundaries.
I saw this thing on Facebook today. It was an image of a roller coaster taken from the perspective of a cart just about to crest that first hill. The caption said, “That feel when you come out to your parents.” I thought to myself, this is true for me.
I was too short for roller coasters for a very long time. This was disappointing for the one person in the family that always had annual passes for Six Flags that couldn’t ride the rides. When the time finally came and my head just barely reached the “you must be this tall” line, I chose the biggest, loopiest, scariest (at the time) ride in the whole park: Medusa. I got in and pulled the harness thing over my head. It clicked closed, but there was still a pretty big gap between me and the cool safety of the metal. I looked around and noticed everyone else fit snugly in their seats. The attendant walked by and pressed the harness closer, but I tested and I could still slip out. I tried to get the attention of the worker, but he ignored me and my dad next to me was notoriously neglectful and I knew I couldn’t ask him for help. The ride started to move. I started to panic. I considered sliding out and jumping to safety, but the floor of the loading dock dropped out from under me. I squirmed until I could reach my arm over the top of the harness and pushed and pulled it toward my body as hard as I could. No matter how hard I pushed, I couldn’t get it to that final click. We made our slow, tortuous crawl to the top of the hill. I was sweating, nearly in tears, having trouble breathing. I remember whimpering and telling my dad I wanted to get off. He said, “Too late, kiddo.”
I thought for sure I was going to slip out when we turned or corkskrewed or flipped around a loop. I knew I was going to die. I shut my eyes and clung white-knuckled to the harness. Just as we reached the top and our cart passed over the edge and we dangled there for just a moment, I heard a very loud click. The shift in gravity was all I needed. The harness fit tightly against my teeny tiny body. I invluntarily whooped for joy. Relief flooded through me.
And then we were falling. And I was screaming. And it was wonderful. Exhilarating. We got back in line and I rode it again and again. To this day, I still have to work pretty hard to get that harness pressed all the way down. I have to work for that feeling of safety and relief. But I know how to get it. And I’m glad I went on that ride. I didn’t die. Instead, I got one step closer to flying and found a true love in my life.
Coming out to my parents held the same fear. I thought I would fall and hurt myself. I had regrets as soon as I opened my mouth to say, “There’s something I want to talk to you guys about.” I felt unprepared. I felt like what came next was unknown and dangerous.
But as soon as I spoke, I felt that click. My security in myself fell into place. And I plummeted. I jumped. I did it. And I discovered that, though they might not see it that way, being their gay kid was the place I needed to be. I felt more secure in my place. And I did it my self. And now that I’ve done it, i am free to do it again and again and enjoy it.
Everything in my life is a roller coaster. I’m always going to be up and down and confused and backwards and up-side down and unprepared and afraid. But all I can do it wait for that perfect moment, that shift in gravity, and hold on tight. And the only thing that is going to bring me relief and security is doing what is right for me and my teeny tiny body and my teeny tiny heart and my big soul. A lot of times, the right thing for me to do has been to get on that roller coaster in the first place. And then all I have to do is enjoy the ride.
I really enjoy learning and teaching. Especially about witchcraft. I have a friend whose roommate is Wiccan, so she often messages me about stones and spells and psychic things. And Cupid is growing to be quite the powerful witch. I am proud. And I learn so many things from fresh and different ideas. It doesn’t hurt that both the girls i refer to in this post are deliciously beautiful.
The countdown begins! My good friend and soul mate (platonic, you freaks), glitchy-witch is coming to see me on Thursday! The tickets were purchased today. No friend has ever been so dear to me and finally being able to physically be with this person means so much to me. It’s going to be a week of adventure and I’ve already talked everyone’s ear off about it. I’ve waited too long for the hug I’m going to give at the terminal!
My entire life, I have been aching to go on an adventure. When I was little, and so much of my surroundings were unknown to me, every step outside was one that filled my imaginative brain with wonder. Now that I’ve practically stepped all over this city, there is no place to have an adventure.
I can’t wait! This is a dream come true for me. You’ve been so dear to me ever since we met. Being long distance friends has been fun but hard. I can’t wait to introduce you to my life and my side of the country! And actually hug you and see how tall you really are!
We’re gonna shop. And I’m gonna bring you to my new age haunt. And I’m going to feed you good old California cuisine. It’s going to be a sleep over party every night of the week and I’m sending you home with memories of adventure and keepsakes to remember me by.
It’s going to be great! And you have nothing to worry about because while the place is new, we’ve known each other for longer than the almost three years we’ve been acquainted in this life.
It’s been sprinkling and the air is full of moisture. I feel energized and ready for some tarot readings. I have one to do. Then I’m doing my own and asking Cupid is she wants one.
Although Abalone is a shell and not a crystal, it has been used since Ancient times for jewelry.
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